Lotr Fight For Life!
by Raliena
Summary: Take the Fellowship of the Ring add a few characters, plus some school kids, a lot of coffee and a few lacross sticks, and you get this story.
1. Stink Bomb

Hi!  
  
I don't know why I have to write this D*MN Disclaimer every time, this is the 3rd time I've had to write one, so this is it!  
  
I DON'T OWN LOTR!!!!! IS THAT O.K?  
  
***  
  
It was a mighty battle. The Fellowship was doing well, but they seemed to be fighting a losing battle, against the orcs.  
  
"I wish we were somewhere else!" screamed Pippin.  
  
Unknown to him, and the rest of the Fellowship, they were in an area, where the separation between 2 Universes is very thin. And like feuding countries, each wants more; more people mainly.  
  
So one universe, given extra power by this wish, reached out and pulled them in. Just as Gollum reached Frodo, and started to strangle him.  
  
The grass under their feet, became cobbles; and the surrounding trees, became buildings.  
  
Gollum got hit by and orc; and together with Frodo took flight. A short flight.  
  
Extremely short, straight through a large window. They hit the back of someone in a chair looking at a glowing, light grey box, their hand moving a small, light grey oval.  
  
The person spun round and accidentally knocked Frodo and Gollum apart. Gollum tried to strangle this person, but they just strangled him, instead. So soon Gollum was dead.  
  
Frodo looked at the person. It was female, with very short, messy, dark brown hair; her eyes were the same colour. She was wearing a grey and blue tartan skirt, a navy blue, short-sleeved shirt, with a white tree embroidered on it. She looked about 25, and was extremely messy. When she stood up she was very tall.  
  
She looked at the dead Gollum, as if seeing it for the first time.  
  
"Oh dear! I am sorry. Exam stress!" she peered out of the smashed window, at the proceeding fight. "Oh GREAT!"  
  
She turned towards the door, opened it,  
  
"HENRY!" she yelled, "Come here! You HAVE got to see this!"  
  
Another figure arrived. Again female, and wearing the same clothes, but they looked a bit tidier, though that wasn't saying much. She had long, blonde hair, about waist length, done up in a ponytail. She had blue eyes. And was shorter than the first. She looked about 15.  
  
She too looked at the battle.  
  
"Oh BRILL!" Henry turned and yelled "SARAH! Come here!"  
  
A shorter female entered, wearing the same clothes as the other 2. She had shoulder length, light brown hair, and light brown eyes. She was a lot shorter, than the others. Almost hobbit size. She looked about 11.  
  
They got into a huddle and started to talk.  
  
"Wow! Looks like World War 3 out there!" Sarah yelled  
  
"Nah, World War 4. World War 3 was when Nemesis found the cigarette packets, at the tree." Henry said  
  
"No! That was World War 4! World War 3 was when Morgoth blew it at Kitty-Kat, for skipping lessons!" the eldest argued  
  
"Wasn't that WW5? I thought WW4 was when Battleaxe found the radio, playing the football, at full volume, in her room, during a lesson!"  
  
"I could have sworn that WW5, was when Live and CG managed to lock themselves in the Common Room. And set the toaster on fire!"  
  
"Wasn't that WW6?"  
  
"Nah! That, I think, was when Old Softie was letting us run riot in the Spanish Room. And the Executioner walked past."  
  
"When was that?"  
  
"The party…The Summer Term…After the England Vs Argentina game. We trashed the place!!!!"  
  
"Oh yeah! H*ll, I remember that. We were lucky Guillotine wasn't' around."  
  
"Excuse me?" Sarah asked interrupting the argument  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
"Help them!"  
  
"How?"  
  
"Go grab 6 knives!"  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah. I've got a plan."  
  
"O.k!"  
  
"Just hope it's better than the last one." 6 plain eating knives were produced, not very sharp, and were distributed among themselves.  
  
They had a short whispered discussion, before going outside, and launching Sarah into the battle. She started running on the orcs HEADS, stabbing each one.  
  
Henry was then launched into the air. She started to do exactly the same.  
  
The tallest, and as yet unnamed, clambered onto a windowsill, and jumped into the fray.  
  
***  
  
Guys, you all know what to do.  
  
Read and REVIEW!!!  
  
I want your input! 


	2. Chaos

DISCLAIMER: Do I have to write this again?

***

Frodo was tying desperately to open the door, but there were 2 handles, and 1 was too high.  The chairs in the room, which was full of glowing grey boxes, were nearly all too tall, but when he tried to stand on the smaller ones they slid away.  They seemed to be on wheels.

Outside in the battle zone, Gandalf was surprised to see 3 women running about on the orcs' heads, stabbing them with knives.

Sarah was coping well, distracting orcs and getting away, quickly.  The distracted orcs were easy prey for swords.

Henry was doing well, too.  But what no one noticed was that every 10th person she stabbed was Arwen.  Even Arwen didn't notice.

The tallest, and as yet unnamed, one was doing very well.  When she noticed that the hobbits were in trouble.  She ran over to them, wrapped her legs round the orc's neck, hung downwards, nicked Merry's sword, cut off the orc's head, gave the sword back, and was running again, before the orc had fallen over.

They managed to miss all the arrows being fired around.

Due to the strange tactics, the battle was soon over and all the orcs were dead.

The three females stood together and they handed their knives to the eldest, who held them.

When suddenly a window opened above their heads, and a dark brown shorthaired head stuck itself out, everyone turned to look.

            "Will you _SHUT UP!? _I'm _TRYING_ to revise!" the figure yelled, the window was slammed shut,

            "Haley." The group of girls chorused, looking at each over.

POV the eldest girl 

The Fellowship looked stunned, for a moment.

            "Where's Froddo?" Gandalf asked

            "Last time I saw him, he was being strangled by Gollum." Merry said

            "But where is he, NOW?"

I stepped forward,

            "Would Frodo be a hobbit?  Dressed like them?" I indicated the hobbits; I didn't really need to ask.  But, hey, I was in the middle of exam week, so my eyes could have been playing tricks,

            "Yes."

            "And Gollum a black creature, who stinks?" this I defiantly didn't need to know, my eyes might play tricks, but my nose defiantly wasn't.

            "YES!!"

            "Then don't worry.  Froddo is safe."

            "Where?"

            "I'll show you."

I lead them into the I.T. room.  Froddo was sitting on the floor, in a corner lay Gollum's body.  My sense of smell gave up; he stank even more when dead.

            "What happened, Froddo?"

            "Well, we came through the window.  And hit her," he indicated me "she spun round, separated us.  Then Gollum tried to kill her.  And she STRANGLED him!" I was surprised by his shock, but if Arwen was the traditional girl in his world, I probably was a bit of a shock.

            "Exam stress." I said

            "And you are?"

            "Raliena.  This is Henry and Sarah.  Call me Rae." I indicated my friends

            "You are, how old?"

            "15."

            "But you look about 25!!!" [A.N. this has really happened!  I have been mistaken for a teacher before!  But I suppose the person didn't know me, and I thought she was 18!]

            "No way!"

            "Then Henry is the same age as you?"

            "No way!  I'm 12!" Henry yelled

            "Then how old is Sarah?"

            "11, almost 12." Sarah said

We went into a huddle (Henry, Sarah and me)

            "What are we going to do?"

            "We can chuck the orcs and Gollum, in the lake."

            "Put George the skeleton through the window." [A.N. the skeleton at my school is, for reasons unknown, called George!!]

            "But what about them?"

            "What if anyone sees them?"

            "Sarah, it's EXAM week.  Us kids are going insane, loony and mad.  The teachers have been driven up the wall.  Everyone will think they're hallucinating!"

            "Good point!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Legolas turn to face Arwen.

            "They're mad!" he said in Elvish

            "Could you keep to a language, you know we understand?" Henry retorted in perfect Elvish,

            "Yes, most people like knowing when they're being insulted." I added, thanking Henry for her 'Learn Elvish the easy way' tapes.

            "I agree!" Sarah said, again in Elvish, though her accent needed work, then again, mine did too,

            "We know we're mad.  So it's nothing new!" I finished, in Elvish again, before we went back into our private huddle.

            "What do we do with them?"

            "Split them up?"

            "That might be a good idea."

            "Who with how?"

            "The hobbits and Gimli, with you, guys.  I'll take the others." I said

            "Not fair!"

            "I want Legolas!" Sarah pouted

            "I want Aragon!!!!" Henry yelled

            "They're too tall, to fit in with your lot.  We'll meet at break, in here."

            "You sure you can cope with four?"

            "I reckon so.  If all else fails, at break we grab Haley."

            "But she's revising."

            "Her last exam is this morning."

            "So she'll be free."

            "I'm sure she'll agree to help."

            "If you guys can't cope with your five, find someone else to help."

            "Right!!"

            "I still want Legolas!!!"

            "I want Aragon more!!!!!"

            "Shut it, you two!  We've orcs to move!"

***

Please Read and review.


	3. Chemistry

DISCLAIMER: See the last bl*dy chapter  
  
***  
  
It didn't take long to move the orcs, once Henry, Sam and Legolas went to fetch some horses.  
  
While we were all down by the lake, throwing orcs in the water, Henry discreetly managed to trip Arwen up, so that she fell into the lake. However Arwen was seen, unconscious in the water, as she'd knocked her head, so Legolas rescued her.  
  
"D*MN!" Henry swore, as I pulled her aside.  
  
"What are you up to?" I hissed.  
  
"Trying to kill Arwen!"  
  
"You serious?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Well, be a bit more discrete, could you. You're being kinda obvious."  
  
"Am I?"  
  
"Yes. I know you want Aragon. But."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Just kill her, quickly."  
  
"Alright!"  
  
I suppose I shouldn't have taken 4 of them, but they were adults, I thought they'd have some sense. How wrong I was.  
  
The first problem was registration. You know I thought that Madame Fussy, would notice 4 extra people, in a group of 10. Especially as: they were all tall; three of them were male; 1 of them was carrying a rather large sword; another had a bow and a quiver full of arrows slung across his back; another had a beard and a rather large stick; and the last was constantly talking Elvish.  
  
Not even my classmates noticed. That may have had something to do with the fact that they were all discussing Suzi's new boyfriend.  
  
When Madame Fussy walked in, I started panicking.  
  
"Earring out, Suzi!" were her first words  
  
"What earring?"  
  
"The one I'm always telling you to take out! Do it, now!"  
  
"But."  
  
"No buts!"  
  
Suzi took out her earring, and started to sulk. I stared in amazement as Madame Fussy constantly failed to notice the extra people.  
  
Legolas and Gandalf were discussing elvish politics, and the weirdness of their situation. Aragon and Arwen were chatting each other up, and I was just holding my head in my hands. Why were they being so obvious?  
  
Luckily no one noticed; I was starting to question my sanity. I mean who in their sane mind, would expect to get away with this? But I was, I was getting away with it!  
  
Then came my first exam of the day, chemistry practical. Little warning lights started flashing in my head. But I ignored them, despite all I had already seen. They were adults, after all! They ought to be sensible! How wrong could I be?  
  
All I had to do was make some ammonia sulphate. And all they had to do was keep out of trouble. Not too hard.  
  
I measured out some ammonia solution, and put the bottle on the desk. "Phooo! That stinks!" Arwen yelled. I turned towards her. Gandalf had the bottleneck next to his nose, and was taking a deep breath.  
  
I snatched the bottle, rammed the stopper home, and slammed it down on the desk. "You're not meant to smell it!" I said, as calmly as I could, I felt like screaming. How dumb could they be?  
  
I saw some movement, in the corner of my eye, and ducked. An arrow zoomed past, and hit one of the model atoms, which hung from the ceiling. I looked up; every atom from Hydrogen to Magnesium had an arrow in the centre. Legolas had decided to amuse himself, by shooting each atom.  
  
I couldn't be bothered to yell at him. I carried on making Ammonia Sulphate. At the front of the class Aragon was having sword practise with Arwen. She was a pathetic swordswoman; I could have done better. But, hey, it was keeping them busy, and they weren't getting into any trouble. So, I didn't care WHAT they were doing!  
  
The biggest trouble was when we got out the Bunsen burners. Arwen and Legolas panicked when we lit them. They tried to put out the flames, and were amazed when my class simply relit them, oblivious to their panic.  
  
Aragon was perfectly relaxed, propped up in a corner smoking his pipe.  
  
Gandalf was bored, and was chucking herbs into each flame. The flames changed colour, which my mates ignored, as they thought it was impossible.  
  
It struck me, then, just how much the human mind can ignore, if it believes it is impossible.  
  
Quickly I finished the experiment and looked round the unsupervised adults. Legolas was shooting arrows into the computer screen, as it had an orc screensaver.  
  
Arwen was drawing, in board marker, on the boards, the walls, the floor, the desks, the chairs and the pupils. While my mates worked on oblivious.  
  
Gandalf was smashing the glassware, for reasons as yet unknown.  
  
And Aragon was building a fire, to cook some sausages, in the middle of the floor.  
  
I gave up, put my head in my hands and tried to regain my sanity. I needed Hayley's help, NOW!  
  
***  
  
Sorry it took such a long time to upload,  
  
I was busy  
  
Being killed by Hayley and Henry. 


	4. Axes and Woodwork

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters you recognise. I don't own Sarah, Henry or Hayley either. I only own myself. If I did own Sarah, Henry or Hayley, I'd be dead. *** I reckoned I had the easy task; I got Frodo, Sam and Gimli, instead of mad Pippin and crazy Merry.  
  
Clutching my 'Lord of the Rings' book, I led them to registration.  
  
I tried to look normal. But, hey, it ain't everyday you have some of the Fellowship of the Ring in school. Mentally I decided that Arwen would not leave here alive. Aragon was so much better looking in real life. I'd kill Rae later. I mean why did she want him?  
  
As I thought about it, Rae was right. Aragon would stand out in my class, but not as much in hers. But that wasn't the point!  
  
The more I thought about it, the more I relaxed. Rae would give me back Aragon. Or else! She didn't want him anyway. The only person I had to kill was Arwen. I stopped planning Rae's death. And concentrated on Arwen's.  
  
I sat in the Latin room, my form room. I relaxed; it shouldn't be too hard. They could practically look after themselves. Or so I thought.  
  
I sat on a desk, and read my LotR book, until the rest of my form arrived.  
  
They didn't notice Sam, Frodo or Gimli. Not even when Gimli tried to cut their knees off. I think he may have been drinking.  
  
They didn't even notice, when Sam started lighting a fire, to cook his second breakfast.  
  
It took me a while to find Frodo, despite the fact that he was in plain view. He was doing something so completely stupid, that my mind was completely ignoring him.  
  
Finally I forced myself of notice Frodo standing on a table in the middle of the room, singing a weird song. Normally I would have tried to remember the words, to laugh at later. Maybe re-enact the scene. But as it was, I was in hysterics.  
  
I had hysterics into my LotR book, while I waited for Miss Pincher, my form tutor.  
  
As normal, she was late. On the rare occasion she was on time, she tore strips out of the few of us, who were even slightly late, on occasions. But when she was late, we weren't allowed to comment.  
  
Gimli tried to cut her knees off, but stopped when it sank into his brain that she was female. So he went and chopped up a cupboard, producing more firewood for Sam.  
  
Frodo was now doing a dance, which looked something like the Macarena. I doubled over. This could not be happening. I had to be dreaming. I pinched myself, and didn't wake up. So I wasn't dreaming.  
  
I watched as Sam presented Frodo with a bacon buttie, which Frodo sat down to eat.  
  
Finally Miss Pinch let us go. I walked, while reading (a skill I had picked up quiet easily) to my first exam, followed by the 2 hobbits and the dwarf.  
  
My first exam was woodwork, I had to finish the item, I had been making. It was a desk organiser. I just had to varnish it. I reckoned it shouldn't take long. But with 2 hobbits and a dwarf around, it might take longer. Everything I had seen so far didn't give me any encouragement.  
  
I got into the tech room, grabbed an apron, shoved it on, grabbed a brush and a pot of varnish, and started to varnish. The rest of my class started work on theirs as well.  
  
Sam was in heaven, there was so much wood around; he could start work on snack. I watched as he piled up scrap pieces of wood, to start a fire. Once it was started, I couldn't believe that the fire alarms weren't going off. It was so fierce.  
  
Gimli was involved in his favourite pass time, chopping things up. At first he tried to start on people's legs. Until I tried to steal his axe. "MY AXE!" "Then don't chop at people's legs." "Fine!" Gimli immediately started chopping at the wooden benches. He was driving me up the wall, so I ignored him.  
  
Frodo was even easier to ignore, as he was having a paint fight. In a normal class I couldn't have ignored him, but my class was weird. No two ways about it. Frodo was throwing pink paint around, like there was no tomorrow. Louise was throwing green paint, Mary blue, Jess red. Soon they were all so covered in paint, I could barely tell one from the other. Normally I would have joined in, but a detention, while Aragon was walking around, cut down on 'Aragon drool time'.  
  
As soon as I had finished my varnishing, I tried to find a safe place to put my work. In the end, I put it on the band saw; it was the only place where the paint wasn't going.  
  
Once it was up there, I quickly retreated into the cupboard, where the computer was. If I got paint on me, I'd be killed later. And put in detention. I didn't want detention, when the Fellowship was around. Only I thing was running through my brain. "They're mad! They're all mad! I need help!" I knew that Rae would know what to do. She always did. It may have been because she could get away with anything, and everything. And she knew exactly who to ask. While I just went and asked anyone and everyone. *** Listen, press the pretty button. And send me a review. 


	5. Food Fight!

Disclaimer: Read previous chapters.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers (and to you buggers who haven't reviewed. WHY NOT?)  
  
Ebeth: Stop asking me to carry on. You're nagging  
  
Belladonna: keep on like that and your head will explode, but I still like you  
  
Ruiwen: you've had your chapter  
  
Anonymous: apart from the whole Fellowship thing, most of what I've written has actually happened.  
  
***  
  
Henry had tricked me. She'd asked me if I wanted to look after 2 people or 3. Naturally I went for 2, thought it'd be easier. However I got Merry and Pippin. Once we'd decided that Rae would get the taller people, while we got the shorter, she'd left us alone to sort it out.  
  
It sounds mean, but it gave us a little bit of control. It meant we'd come back and ask for her advice again.  
  
But I was stuck with Merry and Pippin. I led them to registration. To be honest I didn't like La Torra, our Spanish Teacher, but I had her as a form tutor. Rae got Madame Fussy, Henry got Miss Pincher, Hayley got Battleaxe (I always felt sorry for Hayley), Hannah got Nemesis (seriously bad!). And I got La Torra!  
  
She was pathetic! Useless! Stupid! Worse than a flea! No, wait, that's cruel to the flea. She wouldn't notice Merry and Pippin, even if they set off a firework in the room.  
  
I was right! She didn't notice. Though they tried to pull the computer to pieces. It'd never worked, so I didn't care.  
  
When I dragged them out of the room, I swear they had half the computer in their pockets.  
  
My first exam was cookery. We had to make something. I'd taken Rae's advice about this. 'Do something simple, easy, but tasty.' She'd even suggested something: apple fritters and pan-fried apple with blackberry sauce. It was pimps to make. So I was able to start quickly.  
  
While I cooked, I ignored the shouts, screams, yells, flying pieces of dough (ducked them) and flying bits of metal. I devoted all my attention to the cooking. I'd never been a good cook, so I needed to.  
  
When I was done, and washed up, I looked round. Pippin and Merry seemed to have started off by throwing bits of the computer around, before starting on the food. My class were tightly sprung, and normally had a food fight anyway, so Pippin and Merry had managed to start another World War, which number I don't know, though I think it's about 10.  
  
I debated about joining in. Meanwhile Jane started to beat out a war beat on a saucepan, which was a steady beat. This was overlaid with Susan, who beat out an interesting rhythm on a frying pan. Lu-lu set up a drum kit, consisting of pots, pans, and flour containers.  
  
The private war carried on, Pippin and Merry were covered with flour, salt, dough, batter, sausage-meat, lettuce, raisins and coco. I couldn't be bothered to do anything. I just wished I had my camera. I could be in Mars bars, for life. There were millions of blackmail opportunities passing me by, and I couldn't do a thing.  
  
I couldn't cope with Pippin and Merry on my own. I reckoned that Hayley would have to help us out. Or at least me.  
  
I didn't think Henry would be having as much trouble; after all she got the sensible ones. And Rae would be strolling in the park; hers could cope on their own.  
  
Well, weather the others needed her or not, Hayley was going to help us out; I was going to make sure of it.  
  
***  
  
Please send me a review.  
  
I'm really trying! 


	6. NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

DISCLAIMER: See last chapter!!!!!  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers:  
  
Lady Jay Grey: Thanks for your support. I haven't put Boromir in this story. But hey, you want him; you'll get him.  
  
Rogue: I hate you! I'm setting all my fans on you! Start running now! It won't do you much good! I'm setting Hayley on you, Henry on you, Hannah on you, Auroris on you (if she'll agree). Hayley should be enough, but I like being neat. (If some people think, I'm being a bit dramatic. He said my story was rubbish, and flamed me!)  
  
***  
  
They all met in the IT room, Rae was the first one there. When Henry and co arrived, she was on the Internet, taking deep breaths.  
  
"How did you cope?" Henry asked  
  
"Badly!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"Badly!"  
  
"I take it you had a bad time, Henry." Sarah walked in.  
  
"Yeah. So did you!" Henry replied  
  
"How did you know?" Sarah asked  
  
"The two dirty blobs, following you." Henry said  
  
"What did they do? Start a World War?" Rae put in  
  
"Yeah!" Sarah replied  
  
"We need help!" they all said simultaneously.  
  
"I'll get Hayley." Rae said  
  
"Fine, I'll get Louise." Sarah put in  
  
"Can you get Hannah?" Henry asked  
  
"Sure! She'll be here soon." Rae said  
  
"Who else can we get?"  
  
"How many do we need?"  
  
"Nine, one for each."  
  
"We need 2 more."  
  
"What about year 10, Rae?"  
  
"Forget my year. They're more interested in their boyfriends, and make up."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
"Year 11?"  
  
"Don't think so."  
  
"Year 9?"  
  
"Scratch them."  
  
"Year 8?"  
  
"We might try Kitty."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"There's no one in year 7."  
  
"The sixth formers."  
  
"But who?"  
  
"Jessica?"  
  
"Of course, Jess!"  
  
"Who else?"  
  
"Sop?"  
  
"Sophie! Of course!"  
  
"A Year 7, who understands me!" Henry celebrated  
  
"Extremely rare!" Rae replied seriously "An endangered species, almost."  
  
"Let's get them!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You get Louise and Sop, Sarah. I'll get Han and Hayley. Hayley can get her sister."  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"You can stay here and watch them! They need watching."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
They split, Rae ran into the dinning room, while Sarah ran towards the dorms.  
  
"Hayley!"  
  
"Rae, what do you want?" Hayley asked  
  
"Your help. Badly!"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"It's better if I show you. You won't believe me."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Oh, how'd your maths go?"  
  
"All right. You know what they're like."  
  
"Yeah, I do. It's in the IT room."  
  
They walked in. Legolas turned to face the door, his Elven instincts working overtime. What he saw in the doorway, took his breath away. Standing in the doorway was a tall woman, with long, dark brown hair, that lay straight down her back, apart from a slight curl. Her hair framed her slightly tanned oval face, and her dark brown eyes. She was wearing a maroon skirt suit, which suited her perfectly. Legolas couldn't tear his eyes away; he'd fallen in love. He'd fallen in love with an angel.  
  
Rae led Hayley towards the Fellowship. Legolas watched Hayley, as one might watch a rare bird, with love overflowing from his eyes.  
  
"Recognise them, Hayley?" Rae asked  
  
"Yeah! But I don't believe my eyes! The Fellowship?"  
  
"Got it in one!"  
  
"But. how?"  
  
"Dunno! Gandalf, Aragon, Legolas, Arwen, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, meet Hayley."  
  
Hayley grabbed Rae, and turned away her back to the Fellowship.  
  
"So what's the problem?" Hayley asked. Rae poured out her story.  
  
"And Legolas shot arrows into the computer screen!" Rae was nearly hysterical, when Sarah walked in, her search unfruitful, apart from the fact that she'd managed to run into Hannah, so she'd brought her along.  
  
"Okay, but I get Legolas!" Hayley said  
  
"Fine! . Fine!"  
  
"I'll take Gimli!" Hannah volunteered, she didn't want Arwen, and didn't want to be killed by Henry, if she took Aragon. She also had more sense than to take any of the hobbits.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Rac burst into tears,  
  
"There.there." Arwen said, nervously.  
  
"I'm having a Nervous Breakdown!" Rac grabbed the nearest person, and sobbed into their clothes. It was Hayley.  
  
"Sarah, get some water! Hannah, get the Bachs! Henry, get the tranquilliser darts!"  
  
"Err.we've run out!"  
  
"What? We had loads yesterday!"  
  
"When did we use them yesterday?"  
  
"House Drama Practise. Alex yelled at her, for not getting the red spotlight rigged up!"  
  
"Oh, yeah! It's her third breakdown this week."  
  
"Fourth."  
  
"Fourth? When was the third?"  
  
"Alex yelling at her yesterday."  
  
"The second?"  
  
"Alex yelling at her on Tuesday."  
  
"The first?"  
  
"Combined effect of Alex yelling at her on Monday, and 5 people asking to borrow her calculator."  
  
"Oh! I missed that one."  
  
"You're evading the question. What's happened to the darts? You had them last."  
  
"Well."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I had double French with Guillotine."  
  
"So you darted her?"  
  
"Yes. Then La Torra was on prep duty."  
  
"So you drugged her?"  
  
"Yeah. Then Battleaxe was about to kill me. Don't know why."  
  
"So you got rid of her?"  
  
"Yes. Then I did Pincher, and Shortie."  
  
"Which teachers didn't you do?"  
  
"The P.R. Manger."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Ran out of darts. I knocked him out, tied him to his chair and locked him in his office."  
  
"You know people are looking for him."  
  
"Well, if they don't look in his office!"  
  
"What if he tells?"  
  
"I attacked from behind."  
  
"And the others?"  
  
"They didn't see me."  
  
"Fine! Just don't do it again!"  
  
"I won't."  
  
"Dart the whole lot! Okay?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
The Fellowship watched the quick exchange of conversation, their faces full of shock.  
  
"Rae doesn't seem very stable." Arwen put in.  
  
"Understatement, Arwen!" Frodo said  
  
"None of them are sane!"  
  
"Nope, and proud of it, Arwen!" Henry defied Arwen's views.  
  
"Now we just need to keep Alex away from her." Hayley said  
  
"ALEX!" Rae spun round and started throttling Pippin.  
  
"Anyone particularly need Pippin?" Henry asked; she'd never really been fond of the little brat.  
  
"Rae, stop that!" Hayley tried to calm Rae down.  
  
"What she needs right now is Alex." Hannah said, returning with the Bachs, and forcing it down Rae's throat, before swallowing some herself.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Trust me."  
  
"I'd trust you, about as far as I could throw you. But you know best when it comes to Rae." Hayley started moving the mouse. "We need to find this person." Hayley pointed at the computer screen, where a woman's face appeared.  
  
"Who's going?" Sarah asked, walking up to them, with Louise and Sop in tow. She poured the water into Rae's mouth, which miraculously went down her throat.  
  
"Hannah, you look after Rae!" Hayley started  
  
"No Fear!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm not looking after her."  
  
"Your choice. Sarah, look after her! And keep Pippin alive. If possible."  
  
"Will do!"  
  
"Right, Gandalf and Hannah go that way, and check the blocks. Sop and Arwen check the basement. Louise and Gimli check the woods. Henry and Aragon check the Art Block, then the Dinning room. Legolas and I will check Wimborne."  
  
"And we'll meet back here in 15 minutes." Hannah said, seeing the identical glints in Legolas and Hayley's eyes.  
  
"Okay!" Hayley sighed.  
  
"What do I do?" Sarah asked  
  
"Look after Rae, and keep an eye on the hobbits."  
  
*** Read and Review.  
  
NO BL*DY FLAMES!  
  
OKAY?  
  
Sorry, bad day!  
  
Everyone here who is reading it early thinks it's gr8 so if u flame they will b set on u....including HAYLEY!!!!! She is incredibly mean, cruel, b!tchy and Vicious. 


	7. Boromir Arrives

DISCLAIMER: SEE THE LAST BL**DY CHAPTER!!!  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers, except Rogue, who bl**dy flamed me.  
  
***  
  
The groups split up. Hayley and Legolas walked up to the large sandstone building, which was Wimborne, the boarding house for the top two years. They wandered through the many corridors, up and down stairs, until they came to a door, in the middle of the maze.  
  
Slowly Hayley opened the door; inside the large room was a Common Room; there were sofas and chairs, a television and a pool table, which Hayley and Legolas looked at with similar looks in their eyes.  
  
(A.N: I'm now going to leave this scene, as I wish to keep my P.G. rating. *Hayley starts whacking me around the head with an umbrella, about lack of graphics.* I'll only say one thing; apparently Legolas is extremely good at pool. That's it. Okay? I think you can guess the rest. Those who can't you don't want to. All right?)  
  
After 15 busy minutes, all the groups returned to the IT room, no one had found Alex. Although Hayley had found Jess, her sister. Hayley was slightly dishevelled, and kept on tucking herself in, and fiddling with her collar, although her look was victorious. Legolas was looking equally happy, and dishevelled. Henry looked at them furiously, before ignoring them.  
  
The only other progress made, was that Rae was no longer strangling Pippin, she was strangling a computer instead. Due to Sarah's comment of:  
  
"Look, Alex is in the computer!" Rae had been in too much in a frenzy to think straight, so she had started to strangle the monitor. She was calming down now.  
  
Jessica looked round at the Fellowship, having been informed of what had happened, and came out with one comment:  
  
"Where's Boromir?" a loud noise erupted from the courtyard.  
  
"Looks like he's just arrived. With 9 orcs." Hayley said looking out of the window, desperate not to catch Henry's eye. Henry had a piercing gaze, when she used it, and she was.  
  
"He needs help!" Aragron yelled, unsheathing his sword.  
  
"Orcs!" Gimli yelled, grabbing his axe  
  
"Let's help him!" Legolas yelled.  
  
"Rae." Sarah said, automatically  
  
"Alex is in the courtyard." Henry agreed, catching onto Sarah's plan  
  
"With her clones." Hannah put in, knowing her sister very well.  
  
"Attacking Boromir." Hayley backed the others up.  
  
"Want to go?" Jessica agreed, disgruntled, she would have preferred it to be the real Alex, as would have Henry, Hannah and Hayley.  
  
Rae turned and ran towards the open window, leaping through it.  
  
"I bet she takes 5 orcs." Hayley opened the betting, as the Fellowship stared, in shock.  
  
"£3 on 6." Henry carried on.  
  
"The same on 9." Hannah knew her sister, when she was in a bad mood.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"£4 on 4." Sarah kept her guess low.  
  
"£2 on 8." Jessica said; she had seen Rae in a bad mood before, not an experience to be repeated.  
  
"£1 on 1." Sophie said, inexperienced in Rae temperament.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"She can't be that dangerous."  
  
"It's your money."  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
Outside Rae was currently trying to kill an orc, by hitting it over the head, with her shoe. Probably not the best method, but the shoe had been the first weapon she had been able to grab.  
  
Boromir saw the young girl, and admired her courage, but knew she stood little chance of survival, if she remained only armed with a shoe, so he threw her a dagger, which he kept tucked in his boot.  
  
Rae caught it, and quickly slit the orc's throat. Before throwing herself onto the next one.  
  
"One down!"  
  
"Eight to go!" Hayley and Henry chorused.  
  
The Fellowship had managed to get out into the courtyard, but Legolas was scared to shoot arrows, in case he hurt a friend.  
  
Rae had managed to gut an additional orc, and was driving the dagger into the base of another's skull, in an attempt to kill it. She was successful. The scary thing about her killing was that she did it silently, ever since she'd caught the dagger, not a single sound had left her lips.  
  
"She's calming down." Henry said; Hannah nodded her agreement.  
  
"How can you tell?" Louise asked  
  
"She's gone silent." Hayley said, "Rae always has a good scream, then falls silent. When she's having a nervous breakdown."  
  
"That's okay then." Jessica said "I'd hate to deal with her, if she wasn't."  
  
Ducking low, Rae slipped through an orc's legs, stabbing upwards as she did so, dragging the knife behind her, spilling the guts onto the floor, and getting blood all over herself. Jumping high Rae was able to stab another orc in the eye, before ramming the knife through his skull.  
  
Rae landed on an orc's shoulders, and wrapping her legs round his neck, caught two more in a headlock. Allowing Boromir to slay the only one unhindered. Legolas fired off an arrow, killing the orc on Rae's right. Gimli cut down the orc on Rae's left. And Aragron killed the orc, which Rae sat on. Before helping her up from the ground.  
  
***  
  
SEND ME LOADSA REVIEWS  
  
I'VE JUST HAD MY MOCKS AND I'M V. STRESSED!!!!!!!  
  
*Gets tranquillised*  
  
*Henry walks in with traquiliser gun*  
  
"Sorry everyone. I'll make sure she's back, for the next chapter!"  
  
*Drags Rae away* 


	8. Wicked Witch of the West

DISCLAIMER: See all previous D*MN chapters  
  
Thanks to my reviewers:  
  
Sarah: I won't dis the e-mail  
  
Belladonna: I get back to you, when you've recovered from your hysterics.  
  
Starfleet Hobbit: Yes, I've put Boromir in.  
  
***  
  
"Wow!" Sophie breathed.  
  
"I win!" Hayley yelled  
  
"Actually you don't." Jess said  
  
"What? I said she'd kill 5. And she did."  
  
"But you didn't put any money on it. Therefore we don't pay." Jess replied, before walking out to join the Fellowship.  
  
"You saved my skin. Thank you, young girl." Boromir said  
  
"Thanks for the loan of your dagger." A blood stained Rac, with cuts and bruises, and torn clothes offered the knife back.  
  
"Keep it. In return for my life." He handed her the case.  
  
"You're welcome." Rac tucked the dagger, in its sheathe, into her skirt.  
  
"You're a regular young hell-fire."  
  
"You okay?" Legolas asked  
  
"Thanks to the young girl."  
  
"Call me Rae."  
  
"Where did you learn to fight like that?" Arwen asked  
  
"I grew up in a girl's school, playing lacrosse. Lacrosse is just fighting with wooden swords, really."  
  
Boromir looked up and saw the approaching girls, but his eyes were transfixed by, what was to him, an angel. Tall, slender, and dressed in a sapphire trouser suit, the brown haired, blue eyed, angel with a pale complexion, walked purposefully, and radiating authority, but with fun, and a sense of humour. The short brown hair framed the face, highlighting it's oval shape, and Italian bone structure. She seemed fiery, burning with the same flame, as Scots did.  
  
Jessica walked up to Rae,  
  
"You seriously need to take a shower. Henry, is there time for Rae to get a shower and get changed?"  
  
"There's enough time for us to clean her clothes!" Henry replied  
  
"Right, get her to a shower, give her some towels, and clean her clothes. Or the teachers will flip." Jessica took control, oblivious to Boromir's stares, her younger sister however wasn't.  
  
As Rae was dragged away by Henry, Sop and Louise, Hayley grabbed Jess.  
  
"Have you looked at Boromir's face?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"He's in love."  
  
"Who with?"  
  
"You."  
  
"He's not!"  
  
"He is!"  
  
"I must be dreaming!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I've just got to be dreaming!"  
  
"Join the club! Legolas is in love with me!"  
  
"How can you tell?"  
  
"Let's just say I know."  
  
"You didn't!"  
  
"I did!"  
  
"Who made the first move?"  
  
"Can't remember."  
  
"Oh dear! You realize mum will kill me. Don't you?"  
  
"Yes, but never mind."  
  
"NEVER MIND! YOU KNOW HOW BL**DY DANGEROUS MUM IS! SHE'S THE WICKED WITCH OF THE D*MN WEST! I'M GOING TO F*CK*NG WELL DIE! AND YOU SAY NEVER MIND! I'M RATHER FOND OF THIS LIFE!" Jess swore, her voice seeming like a scream to Hayley's ears, but in reality was not very loud, barely carrying more than a metre in any direction.  
  
"Look, I won't tell, if you don't."  
  
"Okay! But if I get killed, I'll haunt you."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Among the dead orcs the Fellowship were catching up on news.  
  
"So how did you get here, Boromir?"  
  
"Yes, you're meant to be dead."  
  
"Well, I am. But in this world, I think, that as I was wanted, I could come back from the dead."  
  
"That makes no sense what so ever."  
  
"Just trust me. Anyway, I saw what happened to you guys."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yes. And look Frodo's got his finger back."  
  
"True!"  
  
"It's all rather complicated."  
  
"That's putting it midly!"  
  
"And these girls are crazy!"  
  
"I don't know, I think Hayley's rather cute!" Legolas interrupted, before getting glared at by the rest of the Fellowship "What?"  
  
"The smaller of the two girls talking, looks really nice!" Boromir put in, before getting a similar glare, to the one that had met Legolas' comment. Aragorn didn't say anything, in fact he was trying to find something else to look at, it was almost like he was embarrassed.  
  
"Rae fights like a tiger!" Arwen yelled.  
  
"So, what?" Legolas fired back, his patience with soppy Arwen having snapped.  
  
"It's not right for a girl to fight!"  
  
"Well, she said she'd been trained to fight. We're in a different world, with different customs, we've got to accept that!"  
  
"Err. Do you guys want something to drink?" Hayley put a word in, startling all the Fellowship.  
  
***  
  
REVIEW!  
  
HIT THE LITTLE GREY BUTTON, AND REVIEW!!!!!! 


	9. Coffee

DISCLAIMER: READ THE LAST F*CK*NG CHAPTER! (RTLFC!)  
  
Thanks to my reviewers:  
  
Lotrmatrixstarwarsfan: No one else seems to think that I'm unclear, but I'll try to be clearer in future.  
  
Midnight: Thanks for reviewing (this story is only weird, because me and all my friends are weird).  
  
Ruinwen: Glad you think this is great, *wipes up drool*.  
  
Belladonna: Now look, don't you dare tell Jess. Please? *Falls down on knees, begging.*  
  
Crazy Horse: This story is different, because I like it this way. And I just want a laugh. If you want to laugh some more, try Belladonna's LotR fanfic (she's on my favourite authors list)  
  
***  
  
All the Fellowship jumped, before turning to face Hayley. "Sure!" "What do you want?" "Some wine." "Some beer." "Anything alcoholic." "This is a BL*ST*D school! We aren't allowed alcohol. Though we try to smuggle it in." "What have you got?" "Tea, Coffee, Milk, Water and Juice." "Lead on!" Hayley, Jess and Hannah led the Fellowship into the dining room (Hannah wasn't helping her sister, for a very good reason, she didn't want to get killed, and knew that if Rae didn't see her for 10 minutes, she stood a chance of staying alive, for about 20 minutes).  
  
Meanwhile up in the boarding house, Rae was having a shower. She stepped out, wrapped up in a borrowed bathrobe, drying her hair. "Well, that's my hair done, for another week." She commented to Henry, who was the only person, not getting Rae's clothes washed. "You only wash your hair once a week?" Henry asked. "No, twice a week, but I washed it 2 days ago." "Right." "You do know that Aragron is in love with you, don't you?" Rae asked, running her fingers through her rapidly drying hair. "What did you just say?" Henry asked. "Aragron loves you." "Don't lie." "He does, I can tell." "How?" "He's not meeting your eye. But he keeps on looking at you." "But he's engaged to Arwen." "And?" "Oh, yeah, forgot that. I'm trying to kill her, aren't I?" "Yes." "Right! I'll do it!" "I'm sure Hayley will help, and Jess, and everyone else." "Will you?" "Sure." Rae touched her dagger, which was lying on a table; it's scabbard was dark brown, and edged with gold, the hilt was a dark ebony, inlaid with olive wood and gold. "Thanks." "I wonder where the others are?" Rae asked, "Why?" "Well, I need my clothes." "Good point." A pile of clothes were thrown through the door, and while Henry left, Rae got dressed, tucking her blade into her waist-band.  
  
Meanwhile downstairs the Fellowship had all drunk at least one cup of coffee. "I think the coffee was a bad idea." Hayley said, as the Fellowship ran round, up the walls, on the ceiling, on major caffeine high. They'd never drunk coffee before, so they weren't used to a caffeine rush. "YOU THINK? NO SH*T SHERLOCK!" Jess screamed, "Come on, it's the first time they've had coffee." "True, and now they're on a caffeine high!" "So is Hannah." Hayley said, as Hannah whizzed past, lying full length on a trolley, claiming she was Super-Woman, Pippin and Merry were pushing the trolley, apparently trying to run away from the Blugg splatter beast of Bog Troll (A.N. for reference see the 'Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy')  
  
Rae and the rest of her squad walked in, "Let me guess, you gave them coffee." Rae said "Yeah." Hayley admitted; Jess just looked embarrassed. "Right, now how do we calm them down?" Rae asked "Why bother?" "Because Gandalf appears to be half-way through destroying the school, with his staff." "Now, why are we trying to stop him?" "Because he won't warn us, when he does." "Well, just evacuate now, and we can come back, when he's finished." "Or when it's rebuilt." "The others will get squashed." "Oh." "Right." "Now, has anyone got any ideas?" "Probably before the Fellowship draw weapons." "I forgot they had weapons." Jess said, as the Fellowship armed themselves, Hannah was still on the trolley, but she now had a saucepan. "RUN FOR IT!!" Henry yelled, turning and charging for the I.T. room, the rest followed, chased by the Fellowship and Hannah, on the trolley.  
  
Once in the empty I.T. room, Rae slumped against the door, and bolted the door; the Fellowship hammered on the door. "What are we going to do?" Rae asked "Well." "Erm." "They just need to sleep it off." "They're on a caffeine high, they're not going to be going to sleep, any time soon." Henry yelled, pushing a table in front of the door. "Good point." "I know a way." Hayley said, pushing a chair in front of the table. "How?" "Jessica Soltis has sleeping pills. Thank god, or she'd keep me awake all night." "Right." "Can you go get them?" "Sure! I'll just fight my way though the Fellowship!" Hayley said sarcasticly. "Or you could just climb out the window." Jess said, pointing at the broken window. "The Fellowship'll notice." "We'll bring down the barrier after you." "I'll need help to admister it." "Take the others. I'll stay here." "Why?" "We need a way to send them back." "Right." "Not Legolas!" "Not Aragorn!" "Not Bormir!" "We can sort out 'who' later on. I'm just interested with sending them back." "Alright!" Sarah said, preparing to jump out the window. "I'll go first!" Hayley said "Why?" "To open the boarding door." "Right." "You'll be okay, Rae?" "I'll be fine. I just wish I had a lacrosse stick." "Why?" "I'm a good fighter with them." "This do?" Sarah asked, pulling a lacrosse stick out of the corner. "Fine! Off you go." Rae logged herself onto a computer, as the others jumped out of the window; she then wound down the metal barrier.  
  
***  
  
READ AND REVIEW!!!  
  
I'm unlikely to update in the hols, as I can't upload at home.  
  
So this might be the last chapter, until after Christmas. 


	10. Drugs, Drugs and Lacrosse Sticks

DISCLAIMER: RTLFC!!!!!  
  
Hey, more reviews people!  
  
***  
  
Hayley charged for the boarding door, and hurriedly punched in the code, the rest of her gang drew close, with some of the Fellowship behind them, mainly the taller beings. She threw the door open, and the girls hurried inside, slamming the door behind them.  
  
The Hobbits and Hannah were still trying to get into the I.T. Room, but it was pretty well blocked. Rae had now logged onto 4 computers, and had internet search engines working.  
  
As she sped between the computers, on the office chair, she noticed a figure creeping in through the door. Leaping up, she jumped over the table and whacked the figure, over the head with the lacrosse stick; the figure collapsed.  
  
Suddenly she noticed that the figure was Hannah, and whacked her 4 more times on the general principle that she had a head of iron, and was her sister. (A.N. Come on! How many times have you wanted to kill a younger sister? I can't count mine, but it's in the millions.)  
  
Hannah was then pushed out the window, and the door relocked. Rae sat down and looked at her search results.  
  
"I don't believe this!" she muttered, before clicking on the link, and waiting for the page to turn up.  
  
Up in the dormitories, Hayley held a large bottle of sleeping pills, which she'd found hidden in the top drawer of the cupboard.  
  
"Now, what do we do?"  
  
"Crush them in water, and get the Fellowship to drink it."  
  
"I'll do Boromir!" Jess yelled  
  
"Aragorn and Arwen."  
  
"Pippin and Merry." Sarah volunteered  
  
"Sam and Frodo." Louise offered  
  
"Gandalf and Legolas."  
  
"I'll do Hannah." Sophie said, reluctantly, knowing full well that tackling Hannah, was worst than tackling all the Fellowship solo!  
  
"Let's go!" Hayley yelled, charging at the stairs.  
  
They mixed the sleeping pills with water, and approached the Fellowship.  
  
"Here Legolas!" Hayley flirted, "Have a drink of this." She offered him the clear, plastic cup; as he took it, her hands dropped to hang suggestively either side of her untucked shirt. Obediently Legolas drank the liquid, staring at the slowly appearing skin. "There's a good boy." Hayley smiled roguishly  
  
Suddenly his eyes glazed over, rolled up, and he slumped to the floor. Sarah turned in surprise to look accusingly at Hayley.  
  
"Oopsie! I must have over done the pills! Never mind, he can sleep it off in my room."  
  
"I bet!" Sarah muttered, as she tried to work out how to drug Pippin and Merry, who were currently trying to fly. They were having trouble with their take off (to fly, all you have to do is fall, but forget to hit the ground; this is achieved by being distracted at a crucial point. Pippin and Merry were just falling, but they had a conviction that if they tried hard enough they would succeed.)  
  
Henry had already drugged Arwen, simply by tripping her up, and holding her nose, until her mouth opened, and then poured the liquid in. Henry had also overdone the dose, in an attempt to kill Arwen, again, and again she had failed. She was trying to persuade Aragorn that she would do a favour for him, if he drank the drugged water (A.N. the favour would mean that Henry was never 'sweet sixteen'. If you don't know what that means, you don't want to. If you do you get the point. I just happen to like my PG rating. Okay?).  
  
Sophie was having a rough time, Hannah was chasing her round the courtyard. As they passed the I.T. window for the 5th time, Hannah fell over, unconscious.  
  
"Thanks!" Sop panted, as Rae withdrew the lacrosse stick, which Hannah had run into.  
  
"I thought you could use some help. Now drug her, quick!" Sophie poured the liquid down Hannah's throat, and waited for the others to finish.  
  
Louise was done, she hadn't bothered with niceties, she'd just got Sam into a chokehold and strangled him; after he'd gone blue, she'd let him go. As he drew in breaths of air, she had chucked the liquid down his throat. Then she'd repeated the process for Frodo.  
  
Hayley grabbed Gandalf's stick arm and rammed it up his back. Before releasing his arm, and she rammed her knee into the small of his back; he arched and cried out in pain. Then she forced the drink down his gullet, as his head came into easy reach. She then released him, and went to watch the others.  
  
Sarah had found a way to do Pippin and Merry. She kicked Merry in the groin, as he doubled over, she swept his feet from under him, landing him on his back. She then pried his mouth open, and poured the sweet-tasting liquid into his mouth. Then attacked Pippin in the same way.  
  
Henry had succeeded with Aragorn; they had drunk to their life together, Henry drinking plain water, Aragorn the drugged stuff. Henry smiled as Aragorn entered the realm of sleep.  
  
"He looks so sweet, when he's asleep." She commented, to no one in particular.  
  
Jessica was having real problems; Boromir was trying to rip her clothes off, and wouldn't drink; normally she wouldn't have minded, but it was so public. She tripped over a disgarded trolley, as she looked behind her to watch Boromir. As she crawled away from him, she threw the liquid in his face, to try and stop him. A certain amount got into his mouth, and he collapsed into a doze.  
  
"I think I over did the dose." Jess pondered.  
  
"No sh*t Sherlock!" her sister commented.  
  
"You finished?" Rae asked from the IT room.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You found anything?"  
  
"I think I have. But you ain't going to believe it."  
  
***  
  
Read and review!!! 


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